I swear to God Amy Walker said the line "I wish I was tired of you," to me one day. And I think that sums up our relationship rather nicely. We were two screwed up individuals who kind of recognized comraderie in each other, but freaks can never be friends for long. It just exacerbates everything. I don't know if that's true, but that sure applied in our case.
It ended badly between us, our friendship. It fractured and then never quite resurfaced after bubbling down. It was always there, like a ghost in a mansion, a quiet presence that occassionally was filled with noise.
She once told me that I was the first friend she had ever felt she could be truly herself around, and she wished she could be tired of me. After me, a lot of her friendships seemed more open, but who knows? Really? I haven't a clue.
"I want to be tired of you..."
(black)car & black(night)
75mph 2hrs 15min prior midnight
with thick down street rhythms
asphalt:
(yellow) like a blur
all the white way home.
every single second gone,
cannot stand to be lost
inside this need to
belong.
"...but I cannot"
time drunk on the fog gently
hazed
and not a star to breathe
deep into our lungs.
"I will leave..."
music new beat catches:
laser light shattering
click thump sliding gently
along
into ears of listening no one.
trees melt (their) dark and die
seconds after birth
our green vision
and no one looks, nor can name anything,
anymore,
besides in general terms
of generic (quality).
"...if you want me to..."
sliver of sound and both heads turn,
gone before...
into the road behind...
"What do you want me to say?"
75mph for 1hr 27min,
deaccelerate to a mere 74
to pass midnight
as though it was a red faced
little child
and we all had (grey) died.
with a heart beat like forever,
(we know) the day is over
and we can both feel the
unquestioned lips lying open
and waiting to speak.
"I will back away."
what can one say? what can one need?
silence creeps up and the clock
straight up
strikes as though faced
with just as much life as it can handle...
just like everyone.
just, yeah...
funny like that, huh?
I dream...and I dream...
tired as the day could possible be long
and the road still
goes on, all the way home...
