19 Things Relearned This Past Weekend

(19:37:52 CST)

19 Things Relearned This Past Weekend

The trip to visit my mom, siblings, and grandmother (primarily, since she has been ill) was a tiring one. From Saturday about 2pm until Monday about 6pm (the start and stop of the trip time out the front door, roughly), Sarah and talked to something on the order or 20 people we knew (often for hour-plus sessions or much longer in the case of a couple), were on the road for 15+ hours, and also visited a half-dozen new places. There was sleep, a little, and a small bit of rest of time. God, it just occurred to me, we spent more time in her car than in a bed. Cripes. Anyhow, we survived, though tired, and here we are. I am behind on various Internet-relateds and have decided, essentially, to not catch up just to jump from what I did on Saturday to what I will do tonight and tomorrow with Saturday afternoon through today "not existing". I have a couple of comments left on my blog that I need to post, but besides that, fresh start Wednesdays is the way to do it.

Rather than a long recounting of each and everything I did or planned to do and such, I figured I would leave you with 19 shortish sentences about things that I was aware of, but had to relearn through the trip. Read between the lines where you will.

1. Too many people in Lower Alabama take MLK Day way too personally. I don't mean that they are unsure of its worth, they are quite sure: it is an affront to white Americans everywhere.
2. Losing a driver-side windshield wiper while doing 70mph on a dark and stormy night and with no tools to fix the situation has no easy solution. Not. A. One.
3. The strange, flashing lights on the horizon are no cause for alarm. Ok, this was kind of a new one, but it seems significant.
4. Old wooden houses creak and groan as if they were possessed by Satan. Which they might be. This might explain why they go from stifling hot to freezing cold in the blink of an eye.
5. The Kindle plays Audible ebooks (and fairly well). In fact, the only real problem with them is that Audible doesn't put enough "section breaks" into the books (each one taking up 20+ minutes).
6. Some SUV drivers drive an SUV because they are a really crappy driver and they feel much safer swerving in front of people and failing to signal when the car can take a slightly better impact. These people love the Interstate because they can cut off and endanger even more people.
7. Questioning someone's beliefs about ghosts with the concepts of memory and deja-vu like misfirings will only get you ignored by epople who see ghosts. Likewise, people who see ghosts get territorial as hell if you talk about a shared experience (hint: they have a special psychic gift, you're a nutter).
8. The roadkill quotient in South Alabama is HUGE. Terrifyingly huge. The ratio of meat to dirt on the shoulders has to be significant.
9. Some small towns in Alabama are filled with reakkt nice people...who will stare at you really creepily for some time without ever saying a word.
10. People in Lower Alabama are not universally bad at giving directions, but every single possible path is a mixture of directions and personal anecdotes. Very rarely do they recommend the exact same way to get there and there will be lots of asides about random landmarks. Bonus tip: if you ask for directions in Georgiana, they will all involve "the caution light". Yes, direct article...though I am sure there are more than one.
11. Every county road in Lower Alabama feels about five times longer than it is. You know you have gotten to where you are suppose to be because you feel like you have gone way too far.
12. Despite buying up land from the original owners (helping to gut the pride of Alabamians), causing tons of damage to the road systems, causing massive eye-sores down the various roads, hiring many out-of-area workers, and paying some of the lowest taxes in Alabama history; logging companies sure do expect you to pay them a lot of respect around here.
13. Some people on the Internet are so dumb as to do things like add you as a friend and when, for whatever reason, you return the favor...turn around ask you who are you are are you a spammer?
14. Nursing homes are kind of depressing, but it quickly becomes apparant that the various patients are not at fault. Most of them do surprisingly well give the very short deck of cards they are having to play with.
15. With that being said, singing songs about "Tomorrow I'm going to die and go to Heaven" to a group of them feels a bit sadistic.
16. Christopher Titus tells wonderfully sad and funny stories about life. That's not a bad goal.
17. Jim and Nick's has great habanero bbq sauce. Their ribs are ok. Their brisket is awesome. And tiny, out of the way Chinese restaurants in Lower Alabama can be surprisingly good and authentic if you just give them a chance.
18. There is limit to how many gas station hot dogs you should eat. The equation goes something like this: as the number approaches zero, the better off you are.
19. I'm a bastard who would almost always prefer to stay home and read rather than visit loved ones. I know, I know, hate me...but I tire easy and sure do prefer to sleep in my own bed and make use of my own facilities...

Si Vales, Valeo

file under (...on Me in 2010)

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