What was wrong with me (plus expect short stories soon)

(13:23:13 CDT)

What was wrong with me (plus expect short stories soon)

Those who follow me on Twitter or Facebook, or see the status updates on Dickens of a Blog, might have noticed a string of updates that started with "hah, I think I feel sick" to "let's joke about me being sick some more!" and then ended with "everyone stop joking, i'm going down!". I mean, that's not the updates, but their basic intent. I ended up missing class because it hurt to sit upright and later I fell asleep pretty hard in the middle of reading, and was still pretty sick the next morning. I feel better now, though just a tad drained on the edges, but I am mostly posting about this because of what I think it was.

From order of least likely to most likely reasons I was sick. (a) Sudden Onset Virus (100 to 1 chance). Not likely because the symptoms (headache, cramps, weakness) fail to fit any definite viral patterns. It's almost like my body was feigning a virus by having a little bit of everything that a virus might make you have, but not in proper proportions. (b) Insomnia induced (50 to 1). Not that likely, since I have had insomnia before, but as I get older it might cause worse side effects. (c) Food poisoning (25 to 1). Most likely [sub-]culprit was Chik-Fil-A. I had ordered a sausage biscuit that I remember tasting a wee bit off, but did not think much of it. Do not think it is likely, since some of the more "volatile" symptoms of food poisoning did not occur. (d) Electrolyte imbalance coupled with sunlight allergy (5 to 1 each, separate, 2 to 1 combined). That's right, the most likely culprit looks like it will be some sort of potassium, or other, depletion brought on by the weekend. Walking to work in heavy heat on Friday. Walking around Botanical Gardens on Saturday. Walking around Executive Plaza on Sunday. While Monday was pretty banal as far as heat and sweating goes, I still have a strong suspicion that I had unbalanced my body chemistry and then that's what lead to the insomnia and weird stomach cramps Sunday and Monday night, and it culminated into a feverish, headachy, stomach cramping weakness on Tuesday. At any rate, I downed like five bananas and a quart of orange juice and ate molasses (a good source of natrual minerals) on my cereal this morning, and most of the symptoms have went away. Doug's not dead. Yet.

It was something close to serendepity, though.

While I was sick and laying in bed, I brought out my copy of Harold Bloom's How to Read and Why. At some point in time, I passed out good with it still in hand and I woke up, face down, sweaty and still in pain, and the book still clamped in my right hand. The hand was now under me and had fallen asleep. I couldn't help but think "this is the librarian equivalent of waking up with a bottle of rye in hand, face down, in Mexico". I wrote a tweet that went like this: "Woke up with bad stomach cramps and a headache, sweating, face down. Arm asleep. Book by Harold Bloom in hand. (True librarian confessions)"

Shortly afterwards, I was thinking...I can turn that into a short story opening. I have been chugging it around for the last day and a half, and I think I will turn it into a short story opening, or, I guess to be more venacular specific, short work opening. I am thinking of starting a series of stories called "True Librarian Confessions" that will be semi-autobiographical, if I lived in a world where zombies were real and the gay mafia really did wear pink suits and try to turn straights around in rehabilitation camps. Essentially a world of bad stereotypes, and a chronically sleep deprived reference librarian who survives half through bad jokes and half through sheer tenacity. In some, I plan on parodying real life cases that have hit libraries (ranging from book burnings to Twilight to budget cuts) but in others, it will be straight up nonsense where only a slight nod towards book culture will even identify the nameless librarian (read: Doug).

Why? I guess because I can.

Si Vales, Valeo

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