A little over five years ago, I showed my sister-in-law how to vandalize her home town's Wikipedia entry. Looking back over some of her edits...

BLOT: (01 Jul 2014 - 12:18:18 PM)

A little over five years ago, I showed my sister-in-law how to vandalize her home town's Wikipedia entry. Looking back over some of her edits...

Ok, so I don't remember the night very well, but I think Alicia—my sister-in-law—and I had stayed up watching horror movies after Sarah had gone to bed. Some time very late, by which I mean some time also very early, I showed her how to edit a Wikipedia page. Specifically, the Wikipedia entry for Grant, AL. Today I was thinking back about this, and it finally occurred to me to see if I could find her edits, and I did. Ladies and Gentlemen, the May 14, 2009 8:45 edit of Grant, AL as written by Alicia. It is like a paean to a Bradbury-esque town in the Deep South, slam poetry for the rural youth. Look for such gems as [assume "sic" at all possible times]:

• It shares a remarkable resemblance to that town in Hostel, aka Scranton in the Slovakia. An hero. But they are notorious troublemakers and tattle tales. The small village has only two claims to fame, Cathedral Cavers and Meth Mountain, both of which the town claims proudly. DRUGIES DRUGIES DRUGIES. They are haters of banana phone! Blasphemy!
• For every 100 females there were 81.2 males. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there were 79.4 males. PARTY! However most men and women go off the mountain to obtain mates, if not the men go in the woods and get drunk together, no questions asked. People from Grant are like Shuffleboards, renown for their sense of camaraderie, but what good is that in a good old game of Earwig Bowditch.
• The median income for a household in the town was $37,188, and the median income for a family was $45,417. Males had a median income of $35,795 versus $29,750 for females. Porky's Orangutaun Refriend Kentucky Snaps.
• The local hangout is Hardee's and or the pharmacy, depending on your status at the local high school.
• It is rumored there is something in the water which makes girls extremely tall and able to play basketball and boys short and unable to play basketball and or football. However, the local school tends to stress the importance of both sports.
• They don't read because they "have a life." They are also are not good drivers, considering they never use their turn signals and in continents leave their cars in drive when they turn them off.
• And they like old bitter Russian guys. "In Russia you don't cut the balls off dogs, the balls cut the dogs off you."

For those into such statistics, it took 12 minutes for someone to revert the edits.

OTHER BLOTS THIS MONTH: July 2014