Dicks at Subway

BLOT: (14 Apr 2012 - 11:36:07 PM)

Dicks at Subway

Some of you know this, I would wager that most do not: I used to work at Subway. Down in Evergreen. circa 1998 (or was it 1997?). One summer only. My first job. I was, for the first time since I had graduated high school a couple of years previous, thrust back out into the public eye. I was living, effectively, on my own [sharing a house with my brother Danny, who at that time was spending many of his days off-shore]. Did not have a car, but Evergreen is a tiny enough town that you can walk from one end to the other and back again within a couple of hours, so I was at most a half-hour walk from work if I chose to dawdle.

I grew a bit that summer. Not any of the standard Boy-Becomes-Manboy stuff of novels and sappy fall-release-schedule movies, I just found out important life lessons: (a) my sense of humor does not go over well with your average person, (b) I tend to be really good with customers despite this, and (c) sometimes people, knowing that it is petty, will still act really petty if they perceive themselves as having a slight bit of power over you. Never forget. I also learned a bonus lesson that is mostly a corollary of "c": (c.1) Subway costumers can be dicks.

Like most people, 90% of Subway costumers are well-behaved and nice and polite, or at least feel guilty enough about social interactions to play at being these three things. A full 8% are snotty, but in a way that any deft handling of the human mind can overcome. Maybe give them a little more, or show them you won't budge no matter what, and they will be at least willing to work with you.

That last 2%? That's the person that makes people hate retail and food service and working circulation desks at libraries. That's the customer that "Customers Suck" blogs show up around, that horror stories are told about. About 1 in 50, but will account for at least half of the memories, and some of these people have a massive hardon for Subway. Because they get to dictate, in no small way, their food. They do not respect the person behind the counter, neither in a social way nor even in an sympathetic way. They merely see that person as an object to get what they want, and what they want is a satisfaction that only comes from feeling like they have won. I assume, with a degree of educated guess, that they even brag about some of the horrible things they have wrought.

Examples run rampant, from people demanding corporate phone numbers because they feel you "played with their lettuce" to those testing the waters to see if they can demand, and usually they couldn't unless factors were just right, that you bake fresh bread to serve them. Some would regularly demand that sandwiches be thrown away and started over, that vegetables be tossed at a new batch brought in, that samples be given before they trust the quality of the food, that coupons be given [or discounts] because they felt like something was missing in their service. Others would just say random, hateful things. One of my coworkers was told something along the lines of, "Just shut up and make my sandwich, bitch." And while there might have been extenuating circumstances, I am going to guess there weren't many.

On Thursday night, Sarah and I went out and ate at the Subway over at the corner of Sparkman and University, the one close to Papa John's and Casual Male XL and I guess now the Aldi's. Across from what used to be Yoo-neek (or however that was spelled) Carwash. We go there a lot because it was of the few [only? in this area?] Subways that still has the Seafood Sensation, which is our most ordered sandwich. At any rate, we got in and there had been an obvious run because a lot of the bins were getting low and one worker was out front trying to clean up a little and get things organized and then another was in the back running back and forth. After we get our food, I order a soup but they tell me that it has about 2-3 more minutes before it will be finished so we sit down and start eating.

Keep in mind, 2-3 minutes.

Guy walks in and starts to order. Tall, wearing the uniform of the Alabama businessman: polo shirt, faux-dress pants, cell phone clipped to waist. The guy behind the counter cleans a moment more, then starts preparing the man's subs, including toasting them like the guy wants. About this time, the soup gets done. It has only been about 3, maybe 4, minutes since we have sat down. The guy has been in for a portion of this. The worker goes, "Oh, your soup is ready," and then hands me my soup. Yes, he stopped fixing the guy's subs while doing this and yes they were out of the toaster oven and "cooling off" on the counter, but we are talking about maybe an entire 30-second transaction. I sit back down and when I look up, the after-us customer has walked out of the door. Did not say a word to the guy behind the counter, who was back in the process of getting gloves back on to put the "fixings" on. Just walked out, got into his oversized truck, and drove off kind of slowly, to make sure people saw him.

Man had waited 2 minutes or so, maybe 2.5, for his food. Including a half minute bake time. He was about a minute, maybe 1.5, from getting the two subs. Depending on his pickiness, let's say that he could have dictated ingredients for up to 5 minutes, but still, driving anywhere else will only add a significant amount of time to his quest for ready-go eats. The toasted subs allowed to sit on the counter for half a minute could not be a problem, because the man wasn't eating there.

My primary assumption is that he either (1) was teaching Subway "a lesson" that if he doesn't get what he wants immediately then he will go elsewhere [and like most of the ones who should be smart enough to no better, feels the best way to send the message is to take it out on people who will only remember him as a huge colossal dick], (2) was a very poor judge of time and felt it had been a lot longer than it had actually been, or, and possibly most likely, (3) felt that Subway completing my order before they completed his, even though I had already paid, was somehow a sign of disrespect.

And so what are the results? A slightly uncomfortable Sarah and myself. Mostly me because Sarah missed it until I pointed it out. A dude who now will at least quadruple his time to get food, if not more, and will probably never stop at that Subway again and will have to work out a lie, in his head, about how the service had been really poor and how he was fighting for the "little man". A dude who, nevertheless, might have told his wife about how he stormed out and that showed them. Possibly even did the thing that people do where they suggest there was a dialogue, who make up words in which they cleanly and incisively slice down their offenders. And a couple of workers, obviously going at full-tilt to do the numerous things, not knowing why a guy just wasted two three-quarter complete subs since said non-customer did not say anything to them.

Whenever I see someone make such a weird decision, not even going, "Look, I don't want them anymore, I don't have time," I wonder what their own work ethic must be like.

I mean, there are obvious cases of disrespect and workers screwing up orders and so forth, and I could see had it been in double digits worth of minutes or if the person was ignoring you behind the counter, or if it was a higher end restaurant where you are paying an hour or two's wages for a single meal, but they are $5 footlongs, dude, in about 5 minutes total time. For two of them. Whose a little princess, then?

OTHER BLOTS THIS MONTH: April 2012