Great dating advice, or the GREATEST dating advice

BLOT: (03 Nov 2011 - 11:55:34 AM)

Great dating advice, or the GREATEST dating advice

Imagine you are writing a book of dating advice. What would your top tips include? How about this, would it include this?

One time, an older brother of mine said he had just two words of dating advice for me: "Jello shots". I should ask if he wrote a book.*

I laugh everytime I get to the last paragraph of in that picture: "Don't come on real strong and act real aggressive with this woman. She possibly may think you are trying to take advantage of her...Just be nice and gentle with her." Hot damn. The advice says to stalk the ladies bathroom [exceptions include women with kidney and bladder problems], to look for dilated pupils, and refers to her as prey that is easier to catch, but, you know, be gentle with her. Of course, there may be a paragraph right below the cut-off that goes "You know what, in fact, just forget it. Only an asshole would do these things..." that was edited out for effect. Of course, looking at the cover, though, probably not.

For those that are unaware of my joyous cynicism, I do not consider getting members of the opposite sex blitzed out their mind to be a proper dating technique. In fact, the first time I got my [then future] wife drunk, we didn't even come close to fooling around, though she passed out in my bed and slept there over night. Which, I think, is why some people though we were getting it on a bit before we were. Hmm. The more you think back and realize...

I heard a long and too-much-information laden conversation the other day in Barnes & Noble. It started out about their love of Young Adult Fiction, the question of whether a book is ever not better than the movie, and something to do with a dress (presumably from a scene in a movie). Then it turned to their upcoming weddings (both were getting married soon). Their divorces (both were divorced, the guy had a couple under his belt). Then something about CSI or something similar. Then forensics and how they were both naturals at it and how it was totally unreleastic on TV. And then...a step or two later: date rape by intoxication. They took turns talking about how it's wrong to have sex with a woman who has had a drink [their wording was something like "you have to be really careful even if she has just had a couple, most guys don't know that!"] and furiously nodding. And while I walked away at this point—I was looking at some new fiction books and feeling a bit disappointed by cover blurbs, and their continued glances at me like I was interrupting them though they were not at the adult fiction section and were actually several feet away at the new Young Adult shelf—part of me can't help but think...you know...most girls I know who go to bars and are sexually active, they don't mind a drink or two, and sometimes prefer to have a drink or two [or maybe even, you know, three] beforehand. Saying this is the exact same as slipping a freshman a too strong drink [and then following this up with repeats until she passes out, as does happen kind of often on college campuses] has a slight stench of treating all women as porcelain dolls. There is a line and it can be crossed, but screw any sort of personal worldview that holds that women have to decide if they want to drink or want to have sex on a Saturday night.

Don't get me wrong, by the way, dude who wrote that book up there, totally a jerk. Just, you know, my wife drinks darker beer than yours. Neener neener.

* there is a wide berth between telling a younger brother going off to college to take jello shots to a party and telling guys to look for dilated pupils and hang out near bathrooms to find the totally blitzed cases, let me make that clear.

OTHER BLOTS THIS MONTH: November 2011