The Stink, Part II. Or, cup the breast and touch your left armpit. A guide.

BLOT: (18 Sep 2011 - 10:13:50 PM)

The Stink, Part II. Or, cup the breast and touch your left armpit. A guide.

I have been studying my problem, which is to say that I have been Googling such phrases as "Arm pit weird odor huh?" and "Holy pit stink, Batman, what is up?" Ok, I lie. I just went and searched for that last phrase. This was Google's top hit. Do you feel lucky?

Compiling a half hour of furious half surfing, these are things that are pertinent:

• Most weird and sudden pit stinks are caused by bacteria infections. Try not to picture bacteria in my armpit. Try and picture abstract bacteria...or, bacteria in a really hot person's arm. Mmm...
• There are many reasons why your body might put out weird odors. If it is more widely spread, and shows up all at once, this can be a very bad thing. Get your ass to a doctor.
• There is armpit cancer, which is more specifically cancer of the lymph nodes in your armpit. The universe, I might add, is a rat bastard.
• Cat scratch fever or something like it can cause this. *shakes fist at cat*
• Apparently all sweat contains some uric acid. Which means all sweat is sort of like proto-urine. Urine that hasn't grown up. Next time you are making love, hot and bothered, covered in a fine sheen of mutual passion...that's infant urine on you. Wait...no. Ass. Poop. Dammit it Google, don't you dare index that search term. DON'T YOU DARE!
• Yeah, I guess that it's it. The Internet, you see, is full of shite information. Nearly every website I read was written on a fifth grade level and was mostly there to sell advertisements.

Bonus fun, though, I have found a strange number of websites that use strikingly similar poses to discuss weird body odors. Had I not found this ditty first, in which it looks like they are hoping someone searches for "stinky pits" with Google Safe Search on Moderate or Off, I might not have noticed the others. As it is, here are eight images from websites talking about weird body odor images. Most involve a woman in a tanktop or topless. Most involve the woman with her orm or hand over, or actually cupping/pressing, her left breast. In most she is touching, or looking towards her left pit. In most her eyes are closed or downturned to such a degree as to appear so. Fascinating.

Of course, the most common picture is the one with the older women in lab coats who have their noses stuck in young men's armpits. I'm now wondering...what sort of love life to do those women have?

Health

OTHER BLOTS THIS MONTH: September 2011